Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
