opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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