My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
