i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize