i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
