I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
