Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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