Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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