tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
