Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
