I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
