my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
