I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
