i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
