I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
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