last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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