I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
kristin has been a bad kristin
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
