there's paper in my vomit.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
