I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We got so high we made milksteak
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
