i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize