I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
