My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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