Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
