If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
