Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
