I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize