I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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