I want to walk on stilts...naked
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
