i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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