Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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