Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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