You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
