At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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