He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
