She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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