i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
