She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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