btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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