she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
