Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
