So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize