also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I have demons in me.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
