I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
