even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
