you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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