i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
