everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I believe in your delicious
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
