I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Everything about him screamed your future.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
