there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
