I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i think i just lost a toe
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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