Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
