We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
