I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
