My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
