The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
