i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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