Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
