Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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