i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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