A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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