That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
