I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
