Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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