I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
