It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
