Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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