My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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