Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
