Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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