he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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