Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
pray to the hookup gods
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
