there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
