My underwear smells like fireworks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you inspire me to be a worse person
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm getting married
To pizza
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
