Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
