I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
