i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I booty called her while she was in labor.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
