why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
