im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
