So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
