Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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