you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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