theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's rum buckets o'clock
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
