All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
