i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
