TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just high enough for therapy.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
