my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
