i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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